To plant or go to the Gym... hmmm

Ok, what would you rather do be in a smelly old gym or out in the old sun making beautiful gardens. Well I really enjoy spending time doing this gardening and it sure beat going to the gym.

I will forever...

Ok, Back before there was "real" scrapbooking I had this big book I used to put things in and while going through stuff I came across this page. I had to scan it in to make it a quick screen saver for the hubby while he is gone so he can remember the old days and how young we were. I also kept several of his little notes he wrote to me. The ones they put in our little mail box. I chuckled when I read some of them. No I won't share those with everyone but the one about sharing showers to conserve on water usage was a good idea back then I'm sure. It did bring me back to the 80's. WOW we were so young!! And COOL HAIR!! It has been 19 years and yet it just seems like just yesterday.

Andrew wrote something to me yesterday that meant so much to me after writing so much about how he has found his soul again. He wrote about finding part of his inner voice and his inner self. Funny, he thinks he is still stuck in the 80's somewhat but he really isn't (why I thought he needed to see the pictures). He has grown so much more than that! He doesn't really see it now but he will eventually.

This is what he asked at the end of a great paper on responsibilities of a man - responsibilities he plans to take care of and responsiblities he plans to continue to grow on. I am so proud of how he is just reaching out on his own trying to find HIS center and his peace. Reaching out through the right friends and his communication with me and his inner self.

Here is what he wrote:

"I sit here on the precipice of the ivory tower in which I have lived since and ask you from the innermost of my heart (there truly is one) five words vice four—Would you marry me, still? I want you to think it over, not be hasty and give me a true response. If the answer is yes, which is what I want to hear, else wise I wouldn’t ask, I vow to make the best husband ever. I don’t and cannot think of the alternate answer."

My answer is

I will forever!!

He asks “why do you love me”
She says “ because God has a plan”
He says “that makes no sense”
She says “ I know”
He says “ I asked, Why then do YOU love me”
She says “ because GOD loves me and he says LOVE you”
He says “ what does God have to do with me”
She says “ because God has a plan”
He says “ but why is God making our plans”
She says “ because he knows how it ends and he says stick around I love you Trust in Me it Will be worth it”
He says “ It would be easier…..
She buts in “ God didn’t give me choices – I am doing what God said. UNCONDITIONALLY I DO FOREVER just as he LOVES me.
He says again “ now why do you love me?”
She says “ because HE loves you now lets go make great things out of this HE has a PLAN!!”

Mom's kisses are still so sweet

Mom's kisses are still so sweet.

31970 swinging on a swing

My mom just left to go back to her 50 hour a week crappy job. She spent over two weeks here just loving life in Misawa and being part of the Ferguson family. Only thing was we were not all that fun. So... she had to play Mommy to me just like old times. I couldn't had made it through some of those days without her. I was almost begging her to come back and stay with me again while Andrew was gone for the next month (six weeks to four months). This next TDY/DET will be hard on me trying to be strong without him by my side. Him being gone and me being alone and saying for the first time I don't want to do it - I have always been a really strong person and been able to do it like a champ. So... for Mother's Day I sent her a really cute Happy Mothers Day hallmark E- Card and she responded with this:

My Dearest Daughter,
You are one of the strongest people I know. You Love your family and will fight for any of them from people that hurt them thru word or deed. Now you are faced with one of those times when you do not have your husbands closeness to help ward off those words or deeds. You will do well! My love and faith in you will always be there to help you!! If need be I am only a phone call away. You can scream and holler at me but remember YOU are strong. Maybe going back to church, whether it be the one you went to before or the chapel, will help you feel more peace within yourself. Your children are also your support, just keep you head up and go on!! I love you very much, Mom

So... If anyone out there hears the screams and hollers... you know I'm on the phone talking with my mommy on the phone and everything is alright.

Thanks for the kisses MOM!!

to LIE or not to LIE....

Ok, now I will be honest. I have lied in my past. I have tried not to hurt someone's feelings or said something a little bit "stretchy" as my Me Ma would say. I watched my daughter yesterday try very hard not to TELL the truth so she wouldn't hurt a friend's feelings AND so her friend wouldn't "catch on" to what she was doing. Of course, this was unacceptable and we caught her in the act and corrected her on the spot.

But.... I wonder about those people that have those BIG lies. Those ones that eat at them. You see, I have been lied to a great deal over the past eight months. In part, I have been asked for forgiveness by someone and have had to listen to many things that were hurtful since I was lied to. In the end, I'm sure having to tell me that I was lied to and having to "come clean" as they say is hard but really helps the healing process. Unfortunately, not everyone "comes clean". We can't make them - this I am aware of. I am learning that some people start believing in their lies. Or sometimes their lies become their life. They can't separate their lie from their life.

I didn't realize that being a liar could take over one's life not unlike any other mental condition.

After dealing with someone who I would consider a compulsive liar I had to look it up.

Compulsive lying is called 'pseudologia fantastica'. It comes from many different sources. Most specifically, as you've guessed, is a lack of self-esteem, driven by an underlying depression. Sometimes it is driven bya personality disorder. At the very least it is a characterologicaldisturbance. At the worst, it is a sign of sociopathology

OK - so Now I know I'm dealing with someone with the morals/honestly/character that you normally don't deal with. Is it worth trying to get an honest answer out of them. Now that I see it this way I'm sure they will just come up with another lie. I can't compete with it. I'm just not that good.

I can barely keep up with the truth - oh the truth - the truth for me - NOT TO LIE!!

Dragonflies... Weak or Strong?

Dragonflies... Ok I admit it I had a BB gun. And yes you guessed it, I shot at Dragonflies. It was a fun game and I probably would do it again if of course we could have BB guns here in Misawa. Of course I wouldn't admit this to just anyone since that would probably not be something "politically correct" to do anymore.
So why have I had Dragonflies on my mind. Well, I have been trying to figure out how these creatures are so beautiful, yet so ugly at the same time. Why am I drawn to a Dragonfly. I have a few nick-nack Dragonfly things in the house. A wrought iron thing... a stain glass bug. I guess you could say I kind of like them. So... what does one do when they can't sleep at night? They think really hard about something that means nothing to them at night and tonight for me it was the Dragonfly. Funny thing is... I actually LEARNED something. It seems that the Dragonfly is VERY sturdy. But.... there is a catch. It seems there are two different types of Orders or Sub Orders (or whatever biology term you want to call it - it is 2am so I'm not all THAT smart). The Sub Orders are very different.

Dragonflies ...........Damselflies
Generally strong fliers ..............A weak, fluttery flight
Eyes touch on top of the head....... Eyes are well separated
Fore- & hindwings are of different shape ...........Fore- & hindwings are of similar shape
At rest, wings are held away from the body..... At rest, wings are held close to the body

So.... When I was using that BB gun was I killing the Dragonflies or the Damselflies?
Can you believe I could be so mean as to go after such a weak, flutter flight poor little insect (ok bug).
Are we not all just a bit of both. Funny thing is if I didn't get out of bed, go look this up I would have never known that a creature such as this that has withstood thousands of years of life also had a weak side to it.
Dragonflies... I have more respect for them
Damselflies... I identify with them but they still bond with the Dragonflies. They are still in the order of the Dragonfly.
Someday... If I ever get to use a BB gun again (hopefully when the kids aren't looking) I can try shooting at something else. Maybe I'll go after those pesky wasps.

Now... on to be a strong flyer!! But first... sleep land!!

Why does everything seem so clear in Black and White?

Ok - So why does everything always seem to so CLEAR in Black and White? Is it because we quit looking for the colors to just pop out at us? It is kind of the same way with language too. It seems that in order to have a conversation you almost have to throw a "freaken" here and a "it sucks" there. It is as if the more cool words you use the more "mature" you look. Well to those of us that sit back and watch your colorful language we just see you... well... kind of as ignorant.
My daughter wanted to have a new CD by an artist that tends to put one word... you know the one that makes the CD 'MATURE'. Of course you can buy the cleaned up version but still WHY does the artist have to make his music have that one word. Freedom of expresion I'm sure.....
No, she won't get to have the CD - she will get one song and it will be the clean version!!

I have started looking at everything with kind of special imaginary glasses. Looking at everything in more a black and white way. Making things simplier without all that "colorful" crap that we all deal with. Getting back to basics without all that fakeness we tend to have. I see people now that once were so colorful and they just look like their color no longer works on them. I see people I always thought of as more a black and white type of person that have a halo of YELLOW just streaming out of them!!

So.... everything is so much clearer now that I am looking through and not at things.

And yes.... looking at my kids black and white picture I still see my SONS beautiful BLUE eyes and my DAUGHTERS radiant/shiney with just a touch of Mahogony hair!!